Much as I hate this job (that’s no secret), there are some compensations, and at the top of the list isThe Nonesuch, by far the best place I’ve ever lived. Not only is it spacious, elegant, solid, and a joy to walk through, but if you’ve taken the time to look at her from the outside, she has the most beautiful lines you’ve ever seen. Her wood is darker than most, and highly polished, with that lovely sweep up to the after deck, with a row of portholes on the crewdeck that make her seem alive, and, on the port side before her mainmast, there is a depiction of a face growing out of a carrot and the stenciled words, “Art is where I put it.”
What, you say? That last bit, the face in the carrot and the words don’t seem to fit with the rest? That’s right, they don’t. It happened sometime last night while I was attending a name-day party for a charming young lady aged eight. It is not funny, and it is not attractive, and if that’s art give me something that isn’t. Make all the statements you want, but keep your fish-stained hands off The Nonesuch!
This was done by someone who would push an old man down for a good seat at a show. Someone who would light a bonfire so the smoke blew into a neighbor’s window. Someone who would defecate in public. Someone who would put tomatoes in the refrigerator.
I don’t know who did it, or why. It will be cleaned up, and I will find out who did it, and that person will receive a detailed explanation of just exactly how I feel about this. If whoever did it is reading this, leave town. Now. Better yet, leave the world. That might keep you safe. For anyone thinking about doing it again, consider what happens to the first livec-lover as a gentle warning, and reconsider.
Jik Harbormaster
I’ll come over to help with the cleanup effort, and we’ll get the neighbors to help as well.
I understand why you’re upset. You know how important my home and my space are to me and I would be upset if my particular pleasure in my space was intefered with. But it’s probable that this is just a nagara whose joy in creation is overcoming na’s respect for other’s joys, rather than the terrible person you’re imagining. If we discover who did this, we’ll have a long talk with na.
Oh, Jik, that’s very upsetting. Should I come over to help?
Thanks. Yes, help with the cleanup would be much appreciated.
-Jik
Thanks to everyone who helped me the house back in shape. I’ve been told that there is some chance of finding the livec-lover who did this. I’ve also been told that, if found, I won’t be given a chance for a personal interview. We shall see.
-Jik